Broken-hearted

Last night, one of the university students showed up at our house looking very dejected and troubled. Normally, he is quite upbeat and positive. In fact, I had never seen him like this before. I was worried that he had perhaps lost a member of his family, or else that there had been renewed problems on campus. People are talking about another professor strike which could possibly cancel the school year. There are still some very glaring problems on campus, namely the professor’s low salaries but also the student financial aid which has not yet come. The lack of aid has meant that some students are skimping on meals. To make matters worse, sometimes the university restaurants are not producing enough food. Many of the students did not get lunch yesterday, which in Burkina is the big meal of the day. And touching people’s food sources often leads to irrational thinking.

Our friend was one of those who did not get to eat. He showed up at our place around 6:30 pm looking rather famished and at the end of his wits. The real problem, we soon learned, was that he had a broken heart. This was new territory for all of us. We felt honoured that he would feel comfortable enough to come to us to get this off of his chest. He complained that he could no longer study or even sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about this girl who was apparently not interested in him.

Contrary to my understanding of friendship (listen without throwing out advice), in Burkina friends are expected to give advice. So I shared some stories of girls who had let me down (dumped me, you might say) only to realize that God had something in store for me beyond my comprehension; something more fantastic than the most perfect relationship I could have dreamed of. We prayed together and our friend was on his way.

My fear for our friend is multifaceted. Is he spending too much time in our home observing our own family dynamics and imagining he could have a more western-style relationship with a girl when his culture dictates otherwise? Or is he sincerely interested in discerning how God wants men and women to live together? In any case, he may be ahead of his time in this culture. We have met other similar young people in the city who have a more traditional view of marriage: For the guy, a good wife means someone who is obedient, hard-working, knows how to cook and be a mother; for the girl, a good husband is someone who looks after the family financially, first and foremost. Other details like looks and personality play a very secondary role.

How does our culture define our intra-gender relationships? How should the Bible take precedence over these cultural definitions? I’d be interested in hearing your responses. Feel free to reply to this post, and any others that interest you.

-Jeff